cruelty, meaninglessness and manipulation (sairyuu) wrote in faultparent,
cruelty, meaninglessness and manipulation
sairyuu
faultparent

shitty mom day

well... today was an ok so far until just recently. my hubby got up with boo, played with him and fed him. like has been the case recently he forgot to chneg his diaper right away. ugh. so.. yeah.

my reason for the post was is that i am a shitty mom. i was in the bedroom with boo, he was playing and i was knitting. we were singing songs and being mellow. i was tryingto wind him down for his nap. he smacked me int eh spine with hsi phone. i said no! owie! and slapped (lightly, more symbolic than anything) his hands and took the phone away. not five minutes later... THWAP! phone in the spine, again. so i smacked him on the head.

i've done that a few times when he's hurt me. i don't know why! i think maybe it's from having a rambunctious puppy. he didn't cry, he just looked at my surprised and hurt. i feel so shitty. i feel like i need to be taken out and beaten. i suck.

he hit me with the phone to get my attention, i know that.

it's times like this i really wonder at why i had one baby, let alone am contemplating two.

i've been really stressed out lately at work and with my mom, and have been able to control my self really weel. oh all people to lose it with. ugh, ugh, ugh. next time i argue wioth someone i will nto hold back. i don't want boo to get th3 brunt of my frustrations.
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